by Ronald Kotulak and Peter Gorner
- exerpted from the Chicago Tribune, Feb. 12, 2003
- commentary by Jerry Sullivan
“only a few hundred thousand years after the Big Bang”
but was there really a Big Bang?
“(according to information) released by NASA on Tuesday“
Oh, then it MUST be right…
“the most accurate dating of the universe's birth--13.7 billion years ago“
Ah, 13.7 …. Billion…that's 1,000…times 1,000………………..times 1,000….times 13.7
That number helps me...perspective
“(Data) suggests that (the universe) is now going through a midlife crisis”
She doesn't look a day over 40 thousand to me”
“findings also bolster earlier evidence that a mysterious force known as dark energy “
Whoa, ... too heavy…where does it come from?”
“steadily increasing to the point where it dominates the universe and is causing it to BLOW APART at an ever-accelerating rate.”
didn't we already do the Dark Ages?
“The hard data are putting cosmology...equivalent …(to) physics and astronomy
that'll keep the kids off the streets”
“(We can now see) how the infant universe looked when it was just 380,000 years old,
like Eisenhower, I'm sure
“These results are like a cosmic Rosetta stone”
Get back Rosetta
“(It) seems to rewrite the laws of physics”
they were due for a review
“No one really understands dark energy”
except street people
“but it makes up the bulk of the energy in the universe“
That explains my wife's headaches
“it has changed over time, growing stronger as the universe matures.”
That IS a midlife crisis
“(It) exerts enough gravity to keep spinning galaxies from FLYING APART”
ah, so there's an up side!
“dark energy has grown into a monster that now accounts for 73 percent of the content in the universe”
Iraq, Enron, Afghanistan, the Governor's office, Saudi, …oh I see
“(It) includes matter and energy, which are different forms of the same thing”
so energy IS the matter…where do we get the energy?
“as the universe expands further, it will cool to the point at which it no longer has any energy”
“Lights out for the cosmos is likely to occur in about another 13 billion years, scientists say
Don't let the door hit you on the way out
"And so the universe dies in a kind of slow, cold death "
So burn while you can